The Fountain of Youth (Camp)

I need a few more Maddies this week. I need one to take care of my house, one to be a parent, one a wife, one a youth minister, and one to catch up on sleep. My hats are piling high, and I’m looking for a hat rack.

Let me explain. I’m at youth camp. The end.

Just kidding.

I went back and forth with my excitement/anxieties/resistance toward youth camp. Up until this year, I have never felt the urge to set foot at a youth camp again. From my own experience, I remember junior high camp being a little dramatic, filled with matching outfits with my BFF, inside jokes, silly camp games, and I felt oh so cool about staying in dorms at Baylor University. Oh, and I decided I was in love with the lead singer of the band. Their picture, which I took on a disposable camera, promptly made its way to my binder cover, and I loved that no one else had heard of them.

High school was a little different. At this point, our church youth group was very small, with only about five students, so we paired up with another church. I didn’t know any of the other high school girls, and I was not very outgoing or motivated to get to know them either. I felt isolated, alone, frustrated, and left out. The games required a lot of athleticism, which I didn’t have, and there was a mandatory food fight on the last day. No. Thank. You. And there were a million mosquitoes.

Notice the fact that I didn’t mention Jesus in either of these descriptions. I do not remember that part of it because my focus was more about the social aspects. I was a Christian who loved learning about God, but I was also a teenage girl who focused on herself and worried too much about what others thought.

And still, this week, I’m a thirty-two-year-old who is focused on herself and worried too much about what others think. I’m still trying to fill the shoes of the youth leader before me, and my confidence has been down. I felt unprepared leading a group at a camp I’d never been to. Our teenagers are dealing with A LOT, and I began to feel ill equipped to walk them through an emotionally charged week. I cried, I got frustrated, and I walked around in my pouty pants for a while.

Fast forward to today: Our last day of an incredibly emotional week. I needed to be here, and I needed to rely on God to keep me afloat. Our group has faced the sudden loss of a family member, battled sins head-on, struggled through anxiety, depression, lies of Satan, fears, insecurities and physical ailments. I’ve gotten to walk with these courageous teenagers as they have fought bravely. I’ve gotten to hear the sweet faith of students who have every reason to doubt. I have seen young adults befriend the hard to love and the misunderstood. I’ve seen some kids eat more than I thought humanly possible. It’s been a long time since I’ve consistently seen midnight, but this is the day that the Lord has made, I will experience as much of it as humanly possible. Said no one ever.

In all seriousness, it’s hard as a mom to ask someone else to take care of my children. I know God called me to be a youth minister, but He also called me to be a mom. It’s hard to accept that He may have called others, okay, HAS called others, to stand in the gap so I can serve elsewhere. It’s hard to spend a week at camp with my husband, but away from my husband so we can lead our separate groups. It’s hard to rely on neighbors to feed my dog without feeling needy and irresponsible. It’s hard to know friends that are suffering and all I can do is pray from afar.

I talked a lot to our students about God’s big picture versus our tiny snapshot. I don’t know why our week went the way it did. I don’t know why these kids are dealing with the things they are. I don’t know how He lined up everything the way He did to make our week impact our students and leaders in such a big way, but God, in His goodness and sovereignty amazed us all. We may never know what happened behind the scenes of this week, but He was working overtime.

I guess this is a long way of saying that we shouldn’t let our past failures, frustrations, bad tastes, or whatever it is holding us back, keep us from answering the calls God places on our lives. He will line everything up the way it needs to go. As Romans 8:28 says, “We know that all things work together for the good of those who love God, who are called according to His purpose” (CSB). Where there’s a will, there’s a way (God’s will in this case).

To borrow a phrase from one of my favorite people, I’ll be here next year, if the Lord says the same. It wasn’t an easy week; it has truly been one of the hardest weeks as a leader. I know I’ve said the wrong things, I’ve gotten frustrated, I’ve worried unnecessarily, and I’ve forgotten to trust God, but He’s still used me, and He’s teaching me along the way. I’m not saying you need to go to youth camp, but I am saying that you need to be open to what God calls you to do. It may be scary, uncertain, intimidating, or uncomfortable, but I promise it will change you for the better, and you’ll get to be a part of some pretty amazing things.

If you need me next week, I’ll be catching up on sleep and listening to my music at a sensible level. Also, go hug a teenager in your life!